Companioning Peer support parents, Loss Doulas, or other advocates who have had losses, or who worked closely with parents who have, can be of great support to you from the earliest of moments after receiving the devastating news. Consider asking for them immediately. The staff should have a list o...
When to go back to work? This is a very common question to which there is no specific answer. It may be that you are not emotionally or physically able to go back for a while. Your boss or your company may offer you time off to do your grief work. Or you may feel pressure, yo...
Bringing your baby home after death, or to die, is becoming a more common thing to do for families who want special time with their baby outside the hospital and/or funeral home time. The stories of healing and peaceful family times are many and growing. It is a comfortable setting...
Early Days If your baby has just died and you have not yet delivered, visit Help Now. There you will find presentation of the immediate needs, some of the whys (why to spend as much time with your baby, why take pictures, why involve your family fully if possible, and so much more).&nb...
Once you are home and the rituals such as funeral or memorial service is behind you, the next big issue often revolves around how a couple gets along and moves ahead. The Anguish of Loss If you are a couple, you may find you cope and grieve very differently, a common occu...
by Sherokee Ilse and Tim Nelson Bereaved Parents often don't communicate their feelings and needs well, leading to confusion, assumptions, mistrust, and often tension. However, through thoughtful communication, improved understanding, and openness, relationships can be significantly improved. This ...
Your grieving, healing, and helping needs all in one place.
“Life can be the same after a trinket has been lost,
but never after the loss of a treasure.” -Paul Irion
Website of Sherokee Ilse, Babies Remembered, and Wintergreen Press, Inc.
Thank you for visiting our site. We are so sorry if you have had a baby die, if you have loved ones whose child died, or a patient or client who has had such a loss. Having been there, we know there is nothing easy about this.
|If you have just learned your baby has died, go to the main Parents page and click on the navigation bar. There and on the Help Now pages, you will find important suggestions to support you, including a small book that can give you gentle, practical guidance (but it needs to be accessed as soon as possible to be most effective and helpful.)|
FIND A BABY LOSS ADVISOR/LOSS DOULA to help you as soon as your loss is diagnosed and beyond. www.babylossfamilyadvisors.org
Free to download for individual family members
One time $35 fee for clinics, hospitals, funeral homes, and faith communities (for purchase in our eSHOP).
Brochure offers guidance on parents' rights, why home time with baby can be helpful and healthy, how to do this well, and advice for family and friends on how to be supportive.
"I am a fellow traveler along this dark, bumpy road that begins when a baby dies. Having had three losses (Marama, Brennan William, and Bryna), I do understand heartache (and the fears and tremendous joy of having two living sons.) I have mourned hard and worked harder to help soften the journey of living through and beyond these treasured losses, always honoring the parents' love
'Beam Me Up' by P!nk A beautiful song on miscarriage.
My passionate mission for 3 decades has been to:
When a beloved child dies, no matter how small or how early, the sorrow can be intense and overwhelming—to the parents, family members, and to the caregiving community. It is out of the natural order, seems so unfair, and usually comes as quite shock.
Whether it is a miscarriage, (sometimes called a spontaneous abortion or products of conception by the medical profession), or a stillbirth (sometimes called fetal demise, fetal death, intrauterine death, or perinatal loss), or an early infant loss (in the NICU or from SIDS or SUID)…if this was your baby, of course you hurt. That is a sign of the depth of your love for your baby. And those medical terms do not fit for you and what you are feeling about the loss of your baby.
If you are a relative, friend, or caregiver, seeking advice about how to help, this shows your concern and love for these hurting parents.
We are grateful you have come to our site to learn more and to find friendship and understanding.
Here you will find--
Consider this your ‘go to’ bereavement home.
It is our mission to be here for you. There are many practical and time-tested thoughts, ideas, suggestions, resources, and bits of wisdom woven into our site. Many have taught us through the last 3 decades how to do this as well as possible. We hope you will find what you need here. If not, email us and we'll do our best to help.
Sherokee Ilse is a bereaved mother who became a pioneer in the area of infant loss. She is an international expert, consultant, author, and most importantly a parent's advocate. As an author of 17 books and booklets on baby loss and death and dying, she has spoken at thousands of meetings, support groups, conferences, inservices, and multiple day seminars. A guest of many local, regional, and national television shows including Oprah and Donahue, she has been consulted by the media and institutions who support families extensively over the 32 years of her passionate work in this field.
Most recently, Ms. Ilse has consulted with hospitals to improve their programs and works with families who need support and assistance in working with their hospitals, funeral homes, vital statistics, and other systems. She has co-founded a new Parent Advocate Certification Program - Loss Doulas International, which empowers parents to gain a bit of control and make the best decisions possible at the time of their loss and in the days that follow. The intention is to help them minimize regrets and maximum memories while honoring their child's sacred life.
Sherokee is on an international mission to work with hospitals regarding parents' legal rights (and fully informed consent) when it comes to their decisions on testing and final disposition of their babies' bodies, including miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death. As well, she works to promote the age-old custom of bringing baby home after death for private family time.
*Feet in hands picture, Colin Trejor Cadin
Honoring the sacred lives of little ones
who will never be forgotten